Fight or Flight

Childhood Days I made a big decision a little while ago. I don't remember what it was, which prob'ly goes to show That many times a simple choice can prove to be essential Even though it often might appear inconsequential. I must have been distracted when I left my home because Left or right I'm sure I went. (I wonder which it was!) Anyway, I never veered: I walked in that direction Utterly absorbed, it seems, in quiet introspection. For no reason I can think of, I've wandered far astray. And that is how I got to where I find myself today. Explorers are we, intrepid and bold, Out in the wild, amongst wonders untold. Equipped with our wits, a map, and a snack, We're searching for fun and we're on the right track! My mother has eyes on the back of her head! I don't quite believe it, but that's what she said. She explained that she'd been so uniquely endowed To catch me when I did Things Not Allowed. I think she must also have eyes on her rear. I've...

I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification. Reality continues to ruin my life. Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless. A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw. I understand my tests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge. Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. Where do we keep all our chainsaws, Mom? # CALVIN That's the difference between me and the rest of the world! Happiness isn't good enough for me! I demand euphoria! In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks. You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help. Its no use! Everybody gets good enemies except me. What's the point of wearing your favorite ro...

Speech by Bill Watterson Kenyon College, Gambier Ohio, to the 1990 graduating class. SOME THOUGHTS ON THE REAL WORLD BY ONE WHO GLIMPSED IT AND FLED Bill Watterson Kenyon College Commencement May 20, 1990 I have a recurring dream about Kenyon. In it, I'm walking to the post office on the way to my first class at the start of the school year. Suddenly it occurs to me that I don't have my schedule memorized, and I'm not sure which classes I'm taking, or where exactly I'm supposed to be going. As I walk up the steps to the postoffice, I realize I don't have my box key, and in fact, I can't remember what my box number is. I'm certain that everyone I know has written me a letter, but I can't get them. I get more flustered and annoyed by the minute. I head back to Middle Path, racking my brains and asking myself, "How many more years until I graduate? ...Wait, didn't I graduate already?? How old AM I?" Then I wake up. Experience is food...